Your Conflict Management Style

How would you describe your most often used method of dealing with conflict?


Aggressive (Escalating)

  • You make threats instead of requests?
  •  You rely on action to rather than words to communicate?
  • You take away the rights of others by behaving violently or abusively?
  •  You make “You statements” (accusing and finger pointing).
  • Your thinking stays clear or become distorted?
  • You deny responsibility?

Passive (Stuffing)

  • You tend to keeps feelings, especially angry ones inside?
  • You deny or minimize your feelings?
  • You say “it doesn’t matter” or “I don’t care”.
  • You avoid conflict?
  • You have troub1e communicating directly?
  •  You feel helpless? Give in and give up?
  • You direct anger at yourself?
  • You try to communicate by behaving self-destructively?
  •  Your thinking becomes distorted?

Passive Aggressive (Indirect)

  • You communicate directly?
  • You let people know what makes you angry?
  • You communicate anger by giving the “silent treatment”, forgetting on purpose, being late, being catty & manipulating?


 Assertive (Directing)

  • You speak up when there is a problem?
  • You stay in control?
  • You are able to take time out when needed and then return to the problem?
  • You make “I” statements?
  • You communicate clearly and directly?
  • You say what you want from the other person?
  • You stay on the subject? You listen to the other person?


3 Responses to “Your Conflict Management Style”

  • Robyn Merkel says:

    Used to be a little of both passive and passive aggressive but in the last few years have moved into the assertive!

  • brock says:

    Maybe you can give some tips or some suggestions of books to read as to how to become assertive.

    • admin says:

      The most important starting point is self knowledge.
      You need to be clear about your values. This includes what you are prepared to accept in terms of how others behave around you or towards you and how much you would be willing to sacrifice and invest in order to honour your values.
      You then need to be clear about your needs, what you want from others in order to you to feel like your personhood and presence in and contributions to the relationship is being respected, valued and appreciated.
      Get in touch with your feelings. How does the relationship or interaction make you feel in general and more particularly about yourself?
      Lastly become aware of your intuition, what does the voice of your spirit tell you?
      Once you are clear about all of these facets of your inner experience then your personal boundaries will become clear to you.
      You then need to maintain awareness of any discomfort as it arises and reset the boundary so that you feel comfortable and accommodated in the interaction or negation.

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