Tag: (Introduction to) Appreciative Personality Psychology

What Is Your Anger Style?

1. Aggressive (Escalating) Makes threats instead of words, relies on action to communicate. Takes away the rights of others by behaving violently or abusively. Makes “You statements”. Has distorted thinking. Denies responsibility.

2. Passive (Stuffing) Keeps feelings inside. Denies or minimizes feelings. Says, “it doesn’t. matter or I don’t care.” Avoids conflicts. – Troub1e communicating directly. Feels helpless. Gives in and gives up. Directs anger at self. Tries to communicate, by behaving self-destructively. Has distorted thinking.

3. Passive Aggressive (Indirect) Doesn’t communicate directly. Doesn’t let people know what makes them angry. Communicates anger by giving the “silent treatment”, forgetting on purpose, being late, being catty & manipulating.

4. Assertive (Directing) Speaks up when there is a problem. Stays in control. Takes time out when needed, then comes back to the problem. Makes I statements. Communicates clearly and directly. Says what he/she wants from the other person. Stays on the subject. Listens to the other person.

Checklist for Hidden Anger

Anger=feelings of “irritation” “annoyance” or “getting mad” at yourself or others.
Rage is Anger out of control.
checklist a sign that you have anger towards yourself or others of which you are not aware or not expressing.

1. Procrastination
2. Habitual lateness
3. Frequent forgetfulness
4. sadistic or degrading humour
5. Sarcasm or cynicism
6. Frequent disturbing or violent dreams
7. Frightening thoughts or violent fantasies
8. Over politeness, super sweet talk; attitude of grin and bear it
9. Smiling while hurting
10. Frequent sighing
11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you ar e usually enthusiastic about
12. Less energy, getting tired more easily
13. Difficulty getting to sleep or sleeping through the night
14. Sleeping more than usual- maybe 12-14 hours a day
15. Clenched jaws or grinding teeth-especially while sleeping
16. Any repeated body movements done unintentionally or unaware i.e.. facial tics, foot tapping, fist clenching, drumming of fingers, patting or stroking back of head
17. Over controlled monotone voice
18. Chronically stiff or sore neck muscles
19. Physical problems such as stomach ulcers, headaches, colitis etc.
20. High blood pressure
21. Accident or illness prone
22. Chronic depression -extended periods of feeling down for no reason
23. Anxiety attacks- heart palpitations, nausea, chills, sweats, flushing’s, panic
24. Compulsive overeating
25. Overworking, over-exercising
26. Reckless driving, daredevil
27. Suicidal
28. Self-sabotaging – tendency to set up for failure
29. Excessive irritability over little things
30. Hypercritical
31. Suddenly refusing eye contact with another person
32. Laughing when nothing amusing is happening
33. Fidgeting
34. Loss of interest in being affectionate with your partner
Carol Erikson

THE STORY OF THE LOCKSMITH: A traditional Sufi teaching, from Idries Shah

Once there lived a metalworker, a locksmith, who was unjustly accused of crimes and was sen¬tenced to a deep, dark prison. After he had been there awhile, his wife who loved him very much went to the King and beseeched him that she might at least give him a prayer rug so he could ob¬serve […]

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