Speed of thought, feeling and action

Perfect moments in life occur when all of who you are shows up at the right place at the same time. This is what is poetically referred to as “being in the flow” or being fully present. Often you have thoughts on an issue but not know how you feel about it. You can act without thinking or feeling, or act on a feeling without thinking the matter through. When aspects of yourself are in disharmony your experience of life is fragmented. A person can be divorced from the person with whom they share a bed and married to someone they have not physically met, seen for years or shared a relationship in their youth. A loved one can be alive to you long time after they are dead, or dead to you despite being very much alive. Modes of experience arise and move at very different speeds and intensities and often in opposing directions. Your mind may be one place, your heart somewhere else and your actions in yet another realm. The death of a loved one can register quite soon intellectually, but emotionally take years to sink in to the point where you accept and make peace with the objective reality. You can feel awful in a relationship, know that it is not and will never work, yet take years to act on that knowledge. In children, the urgency of impulse and the knowledge of unpleasant consequence are out of sync. Intellectual precocity and emotional maturity are similarly often out of kilter. So much of life depends not just on timing, but also on pacing. Consider the speed of relationship against the pace of business; the rapidity of hurt, the timing of apology and slowness of recovery and the readiness to forgive.  Similarly, the urgency of lust balanced against the pace of building trust.  The ability and capacity to host one’s own and other peoples inner experiences in a ways that allow the time needed for different facets of experience to come together, is essential to having good relationships. This means being aware of the directions in which hearts, heads and desires to act or avoid action are pulling. Hosting experience starts with hearing the voices of your own inner experience, as well as to the signals and meanings that you receiving from others. You need to give yourself and others space and support while inner experiences become aligned and become expressed in effective appropriate action.  Masterful  hosting requires the expansiveness to allow people to experience their own reality, developing compassion to allow the working through of pain, patience to time for maturity to happen, and respect to allow judgments and decisions to evolve at their own pace.

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