Self-Esteem????

Psychology and more especially the self-help movement has been through its fads and flavours of the month issues and diagnosis. One that has however been around for years and continues to stay forever fresh is the notion of poor self-esteem. No matter how much is written about it in books and magazines, it never seems to get cured. A major reason for this is that the concept is more often than not a profound misdiagnosis. The real issue in people who cannot raise their self-esteem is that often their actual problem is an over inflated sense of self importance. I am not of course referring to people who have been shamed, oppressed, tyrannised, disempowered and disenfranchised and therefore do not have to self-belief, confidence or healthy sense of entitlement to set limits and claim what they want and deserve in life. For those people the issues are real and well earned. The hallmark of people who have over inflated self-worth which they misconstrue as poor self-esteem is that they demand, either explicitly or implicitly that the outcome in all circumstances needs to be on their own terms. This can be seen for example in how these individuals take great offence when anyone, no matter how remote or unimportant does not like them as if they are so important and special that everybody should like them. They get offended if for example they are not given enough honour and recognition, in for instance being publically acknowledged or seated at a function in a seat teat they believe is appropriate to their standing and true worth. They often do not achieve, because they are unyielding and refuse to adapt to circumstances that may not be to their liking or fit with their particular terms of engagement. There is often an underlying profound arrogance in poor-self-esteem. The types of comments that reveal this arrogance are “ that job is not good enough for me”,” that college treated me badly, why should I go back” “ how could I be expected to go out with such an inferior person?” The unhappiness and dissatisfaction in so called poor self-esteem is the result of measuring your current status or position or how you are treated in life in relation to where you think you deserve to be. People with poor self-esteem expect to be let off the hook for not accomplishing what they could in life or fulfilling their responsibilities on the basis that their condition stands in the way of their success. The key to improving self-esteem is to develop humility. This means becoming adaptable, owing and taking responsibility for your power. It means being grateful with where you are and appreciating what you are given.

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