Appreciating Relationships- The questions to be asking
Questions for you:
- What in your mind are people signing up for when they enter into a relationship with you?
- How does this square up with what you told them or they thought they were signing up for?
- If the answer is that the promise and reality do not square up-what has changed for them?
- What would you like people to be signing up for when they enter into a relationship with you?
- What are they actually getting when they enter into a relationship with you?
- How will they know the person know when they have got what they thought they were signing up for or what you promised to them?
- What part will you play in delivering on your promises to the person?
- How would others know when you are living/embodying the values that you espouse?
- How do you make explicit the unwritten rules and expectations that you have when you see them becoming a challenge for someone in a relationship with you?
- How much do you know and understand about the challenges people who did not grow up in the same family culture or social milieu as you did and what they face hen trying to adapt your assumptions about family and culture?
- What are you doing to deeply understand the challenges and potential rewards of creating a truly inclusive culture?
- How do you feel about someone who is in a relationship with you answering the next set of questions?
Questions for partners, family and friends
- Do you feel that your qualities of character and values that you hold dear are being fully recognized and appreciated in your relationship? Please elaborate.
- Do you feel that you are growing and your value as a person is appreciating through your experience on the relationship?
- Are you and the other persons expectations aligned with regards to your respective roles and responsibilities in the relationship?
- Do you feel that the other person understands you, and is in touch with and responsive to what you need in order to be the best that you can be in the relationship?
- Do you feel that you communicate enough about these and other important issues?
- Do you feel that your discussions about what matters to you are probing and meaningful enough?
- Do you feel that these discussions have helped you to understand what the other person is about, and what they expect from you based on their values and culture?
- a) Do you feel that your particular needs and challenges have been understood and accommodated by this other person?
- Do you feel that these discussions serve to maintain, improve or even detract from your ability to perform in your relationship?
- How could that, if necessary, be changed?
- Where do you see the relationship going in the future?
- How do you feel about being creative, innovative or taking risks in the relationship?
- What factors influence your answer to the previous question?
Questions for both
1. How do you feel about and perform in this relationship?
2. How would you prefer to be showing -up in this relationship?
3. If you were performing at your best what would others notice about you?
4. What are the values of the relationship?
5. To what behaviour do those values give rise?
6. How does that behaviour influence your performance and relationship?
7. What would need to change for you and the relationship to function optimally?
8. How would you need to be managed to perform optimally?
9. What would you need to maintain or change in order to win or keep the trust of the other person?