Parental Alienation

The world has never been an ideal place in which to bring up children. Choosing to have children therefore is one of the greatest acts of optimism and hope. When parents choose to have children, it is in the belief that their offspring will either grow up in a better world or help to make the world better. The last thought on their minds is that they are going to be the ones who shatter their own dream by making the world that they bring the child up in a treacherous one. And yet this is what many parents, particularly if they are divorced are doing. No parent wants their child to grow up to be an oily tactical liar and remorseless politician, and yet this is what these parents create.  How they accomplish this is by making the child feel that loving or enjoying their other parent is a crime against the first parent. For example a divorce order can say that a custodial parent has to give the other parent access on certain days. The court order cannot stop that parent making the child feel that going to their other parent is an abandonment of the first parent who will not cope in the child’s absence. The court cannot stop a parent looking crestfallen or even rage-full if the child says that the time spent at the other parent was enjoyable. These messages tell the child that it is a betrayal of their one parent to be loyal to or love the other parent. The child is then placed in the position of having to lie, possible even to itself, about its true feeling for the targeted parent.  For children in a divorced family to grow up stable they need to feel that it is legitimate to love and enjoy their relationships with both parents. They need to feel that the integrity of their relationship with each parent will be respected by the other who will neither intrude nor undermine that relationship. If a parent truly loves a child, it will protect and promote whatever is important to the child, especially the child’s relationship with their other parent.

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