Sublte Dehumanising Speech Practices
Lesson 101 in dysfunctional parent child relationships:
What is said and (what is really meant)
Parent: I do not wish to trouble you dear (I am your parent, you should be begging to help me, and you owe it to me without me having to ask).
Child: It’s no trouble, I am feeling fine (I am scared to be honest about my feelings; I know that you do not care about me but I am scared to assert myself and risk putting the relationship to the test).
Parent: You know I do not like to trouble anyone or be a burden on my children (I expect people to serve me without compliant and I will never lower myself to admit that I am dependant on anyone least of all my children).
Child: It’s no trouble, you are not a burden (I resent the fact that you make me feel guilty, and that you place these emotional burdens on me –I never feel good enough).
Parent: No, I am not letting you put yourself out (I would rather sacrifice the help and know that you are guilty and disempowered so that I can control you in the important areas).
Child: Please I insist on doing it for you (I will do anything to show my loyalty so that maybe one day you will love me, but now I feel even more confused, guilty and frustrated).
Parent: Thanks Darling-you know that I would never want to put you out (great now I have got you where I want you, you are severing my needs and feel inadequate and guilty so that I can continue to manipulate you to give me what I want).
For more on this subject, watch this space….