Attraction?

Hi, I’m Leonard Carr, in-house psychologist to Infusion Radio. And I’m responding to an e-mail that I received from Alexis who says, “Can’t attract anyone”. Alexis, you told me you’re not the prettiest girl, but not the ugliest either. And let me tell you, it’s not about whether you’re pretty or whether you’re ugly. First of all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Secondly, look around you. There are lots of ugly people who are married, in happy relationships, have boyfriends, girlfriends, and have a (inaudible) social life and there are lots of pretty people who is sitting around waiting for their phone to ring.
And so it’s not really about looks. It’s really about you’re relationship with yourself. And if you’re not attracted to yourself, if you describe yourself in the first line as a sort of OK-nothing-too-interesting-something-in-the-middle-kind-of-girl, then how do you expect people to really see you?

And the message I’d really like to give to you is that what people find people attractive, what creates chemistry is your feelings about yourself. And what you’ll notice is that people who are really, really attractive are the people who know themselves, who are comfortable with themselves, and project an image of true self-confidence. I’m not talking about that wide-eyed, pumped up kind of-manic self-confidence that you often see in beauty contestants. I’m talking about real, quiet, self-assurance, belief that who I am has value, that I accept my self for my shortcomings. I love myself for my strengths. And I’m happy with who I am.

And that’s really what you need to work towards if you want to attract people. And never mind your looks. I’ve got a secret for you. You don’t have t worry about your looks because actually, it doesn’t really matter whether you’re attracted to yourself physically because it’s about whether the other person’s going to be attracted to you. And so you can forget about your looks and let the other person be concerned whether they’re attracted or not attracted to you. All you have to do is have a good relationship with yourself and the rest will follow.

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