10 Tips to Consider When Negotiating Roles

1. Reflect on what values, beliefs and assumptions you hold about the roles being negotiated, based on your personal, family and cultural history.

2. Clarify before you enter the negotiation what your taken for granted beliefs are about how the roles should be defined-what do you assume to be truths that everybody knows or believes.

3. Consider what might be histories, cultures and the taken for granted beliefs of the other people in the negotiation.

4. Bear in mind constantly that every interaction is a negotiation about the roles and distribution of power in the relationship

5. Be aware of what is really being negotiated regardless of what the stated purpose is of the negation. Is it about for example power, competence, self-esteem, wining, accountability, blame etc?

6.Stay conscious of how the negation is making you feel, and what the corresponding experience might be for others in the negotiation.

7. Notice who gets their voices heard more readily, whose opinions get taken more seriously and those who are invisible, withdrawn battling to get a hearing or have to work especially hard to be taken seriously.

8. Observe whether the rank that people are assigned in the negotiation accords with their actual seniority and formal organisational role.

9. Track whether all participants are feeling equally safe, respected, and taken seriously.

10. Is the negotiation about compromise, win-lose, win-win or trying to create an overarching solution that takes transcends and includes all the visions and aspirations of the participants. 

2 Responses to “10 Tips to Consider When Negotiating Roles”

  • Philip says:

    I’ve read that a relationship boundaries and dynamics are formed very early on. I have become scared to either give too much or too little over the years. I’ve never been one who play games, but inevitably had to. Why do we need to hold back? For the first time I’m feeling that I am responding to someone who gives rather than giving and expecting something in return. This is a wonderful feeling. I just want everything to work out well and I can see the other person does too. What can I do to ensure things stay as good as they are now?

    • admin says:

      The fundamental pre-requisite of any relationship quality that you desire is safety. When you feel safe you can let down your boundaries and “be yourself”.

      In so doing you create the type of passion, intimacy and closeness that can only be achieved when you choose to be open and spontaneous and allow the other person to get to know deeply your true authentic self and they reciprocate with the same.

      The paradox here is that you can only feel safe enough to let go of your boundaries when the boundaries of the relationship are well defined, mutually agreed upon and consistently maintained.

      This clarity makes is safe because boundaries prescribe roles and responsibilities. They make the distinction between where you with your needs, feelings, values and sensitivities end and the other person starts.

      When boundaries are clear then the reference points for negotiation are stable and clear and people can be accountable to themselves and to each other which builds trust.

      Respect means meeting the other at the boundary, knowing when you are welcome to cross, how far to go and when to retreat. Respect also means being tuned in and sensitive to how the other person prefers you to interact with them in your shared world.

      To preserve this sacred space you need to take note of what elements contribute to your best and most enjoyed moments together. How do you approach to other and issues that arise between you in these times? How do you think about yourself and your partner? To what do you pay attention and what do you ignore or overlook? What is your mood, your tone, your general approach?

      When you have analysed what works for each of you individually and for the relationship than commit to maintaining and preserving these elements especially when voices of doubt try to fight back!

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